Murphy's Law...

If things were going right I should be sitting in the living room of my house in England next to Sam right now, but unfortunately that’s just not the case. A week ago I got the notification from UPS that my passport and what I thought would be my visa were on its way. This UPS website that I had been refreshing daily since December, thinking all my worries would vanish once that little blue dot would start to move. Last Tuesday I waited by my front door for UPS to pull up, I yelped with excitement when I saw the truck pull up and I opened the door to look down at a large envelope. But when I looked at it I immediately knew something was not right.

I ripped it open to find all the documents that I had sent to immigration with my passport on top. I franticly searched through my passport looking for my visa stickered in somewhere in the pages, but nothing was there. I flipped through it again hoping that I must have just overlooked it in my excitement, but again nothing. I tried to keep myself calm as I started looking through the pages of my documents to see if somehow the visa was slipped in among the hundreds of pages, but still nothing. That’s when I really started to lose my cool. I had my documents, my passport, but no visa, and no letter with an explanation of what this meant. What I did notice was that along with all the documents I was meant to send to immigration I also had to provide them with 2 passport sized photos, which were missing from the returned envelope. So all sorts of scenarios were running through my head. What was the mistake here? Was I granted the visa because my pictures were gone and they had sent my passport back? Or was I denied because they sent everything back and there was no visa inside of my passport? Could someone in immigration had messed up royally (pun intended) and just so happened to forget to attach the sticker in my passport before putting it inside the envelope?

Heartbroken, I called Sam to tell him what had happened. And it was really crap going from over the moon beyond excited the day before thinking that this was finally all coming to an end, only to find out that something was clearly wrong but we had no idea what it was. You would think that our paid solicitor would have some idea as to what this meant but even he was speechless and said that he had never encountered something like this before. So what were we to do? My flight was supposed to take off the following week and we had no answers. So we quickly contacted everyone we thought who could help us including the MP (government official in the UK) only to get told information that had us going round in circles, with still no idea if my visa was approved or denied.

When we got a hold of someone from the immigration hotline they had told Sam that they would email me a decision within the next 48-72 hours. Leaving it of course last minute before my flight on the Monday at 8pm. I had even called the same immigration hotline, not realizing we had contacted the same place and they told me the exact same thing. So 2 different people in 2 different countries that must be a safe bet to think that this information would lead us to finding out the results Monday before my flight. Sam and I discussed it a bunch, the pros and cons of flying on Monday if my visa was approved or denied. We thought if its approved great no worries, I get on the flight and we finally begin a real life in London. If it was denied then so what I still go back and at least see Sam for a couple of weeks before starting the process of appealing the denial (which has to be done in 28 days of the denial).

Sunday night I had a big family dinner as a little going away party for me/ celebration. As we were sitting there chatting we talked about how my flight was in 25 hours and they couldn’t believe the day was finally here. Only for me to laugh about missing my flight jokingly, when all of a sudden I said because I land on the 4^th. To which everyone looked at me and said tomorrow is the 4^th Nicole. As I nervous laughed I got up to double check my flight details to see that my calendar had showed March 4^th flight from JFK, but when I triple checked on my booking email it showed leaving the 3^rd and arriving on the 4^th at 8am! In an absolute panic I realized that my Virgin Atlantic app showed that the flight was currently boarding and I was about to miss the flight I waited 3 months to get on! I quickly called up with 50 minutes to take off and was able to change my flight no problem. And since I wasn’t planning on leaving until Monday night anyway I figured no sweat I was all set for being home Tuesday morning anyway. My family and I get a good chuckle of the situation (after I stopped hyperventilating) and continued to enjoy my last night in New York.

When yesterday rolls around I’m beyond excited that it’s finally the day I am supposed to leave and can finally be with Sam. As I started to get ready to go to the airport I was still waiting to receive the email to tell me about my visa. When it was just 3 hours before I had to leave for the airport I started to get worried and decided to call immigration to see what was happening (I should also mention that calling immigration costs $2 a minute on top of the charge to call the UK). When I finally get in touch with someone and I explain that I waited the full 72 hours for an answer the man on the phone tells me that Sam and I were told the wrong wait time. The email would come within a 15 business day waiting period. With absolute horror I demanded to talk to management in which the man left me on hold for $6 worth only to tell me that the management was unavailable and that they would be telling me the same thing he was. And that’s when I went full on yelling at the man stating how horrible this was being apart from my husband for so long and all I want to do is see him. The man told me that the immigration department would not be held accountable if I were to get on the plane and be detained for questioning at the airport. Here was my logic because I so wanted to see Sam and be in our home together I thought I might as well still leave that night. As a US citizen I have the right to enter the UK with no visa needed and without one I would simply be “visiting” the country. But because I was denied once and still have this visa in process there was the chance that I would be detained and questioned and potentially if they thought there was the possibility that I would try to remain illegally they could refuse my entry.

I cried for hours and after being told by our solicitor to not get on the plane I was completely distraught. Sam and I talked it over for another hour and came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t worth the risk for me to come back. Instead we were going to try to make a plan to have him come to New York and wait out the 15 business days with me. This will all be work pending for Sam since he’s put in leave several times already for the days he thought I was supposed to be home, we have my best friend’s wedding this summer he put time in for, and we are supposed to be going away with the Hayward family at the end of the month that he also had to put days in for. It’s looking likely that he should be able to come to New York, but this feeling of uncertainty and never actually knowing what is going on in my own life is gut wrenching.

I have tried so hard to remain positive in all of this but to be honest my life motto is expect the worst but hope for the best. I mentally prepare myself for the worst to happen so that I do not let my feelings get me down, or I am prepared in the worst case scenario with a backup plan. It is so hard to think about how much time we have been apart (more than anything we endured in our relationship), how I have not worked in a career that I love so much since June, and to feel like everything that I had planned for this year and the beginning of my marriage has been completely ripped from my hands. The feeling of having no control over anything in my life is honestly indescribable. I try very hard to see the light in it but there are more days that I find it difficult to do anything with my day. I know all the things that I could be doing and have the ability to, but my lack of motivation and desire to do it keeps me from it.

And my god I have to say how also very lucky that I am to have such amazing parents who have literally supported me 100% in all of this. They have picked me up at my very lows and let me express all my anger to support me emotionally. This uniquely horrible situation has allowed me to strengthen every bond I have with the people that are dearest in my life. My friends who constantly text me to make sure I am alright, my family that always asks for updates on the situation, and my work family who send me messages just to make me smile. And I know Sam feels the same way for everyone on his side of the pond. In my low of lows, I still find myself laughing which tells me I have not been defeated by this. And I always knew how much I loved my husband before this, but everything going on has made me realize even more that I chose the right person to spend my life with. I know that whatever happens to us in the future I am always going to have this amazing person by my side (even if he isn’t actually physically by my side). And for the record even when I was crying on the phone to him yesterday he was willing to do whatever it took to make me smile. I mean he promised to get me a dog when I’m finally home and now that multiple people are reading this you’re all accountable to see it through that I get this pup I was promised! (Lol sorry not sorry Sam I need a puppy).

As it stands I have now changed my flight to March 19^th, giving immigration their 15 business days and 5 extra cushion days in case anything else needs to be sorted. We know from speaking to people at immigration that a decision has been made but they cannot disclose it over the phone because they cannot see the answer to it, but merely know that it has completed processing.

To end this I will state all the positives of not being able to go back to London yesterday as big or small as they may seem they are the driving force keeping me a float. I get to spend more time with my beautiful niece who I love more than words and makes me instantly smile when I see. I get to have more Sunday meals with my family (all together that is a happiness like no other). I can see the finale to the bachelor and drink wine with my sister in law! I get to school my brother in our ping pong tournaments. I get to hang out with my friends. I can hopefully spend some time if he gets to come to New York soon. I get to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with my family (although giving up meat will be interesting when they start serving corn beef and cabbage). And I’ve finally started reading the Harry Potter books and can finish the second and potentially go on to the third!